lost in translation

If Pearl were a public figure, she'd be said to be "polarizing." In the private world in which we skulk, I occupy both poles all by myself, rising high one day and falling low the next, arguing both positions fervently, feeling protective of Pearl who is under assault by. . . me.

Having a really reactive dog puts a strain on my interpretive abilities: is she good or bad? is she nice or nasty?One reason I'm not an intuitive dog trainer is that I really do misunderstand dogs. I don't entirely misunderstand cats, though, and I think the big difference is that allow cats their wildness, concede that on a very profound level, they are going to remain inviolate, locked in their own very separate consciousness. Just moments ago, Squeex the Cat seemed to want to be brushed, so I started brushing her very, very gently because brushing is not something she's always tolerated. In no time at all, she got annoyed and tried to bite me. Now I'm not crazy about this reaction, but I know that she's doing what she's doing because she doesn't like what I'm doing and is letting me know. Not all cats do the same things, of course. But I've had cats who were absolutely devoted companions who might, nevertheless (except for Gilly, who never did) bite if bugged enough or at the wrong moment. Nervous cats hiss at me, and I don't mind a bit, and, in fact, I get really annoyed with people who take cats' behavior personally. Cats are great. Cats are cats.They aren't like you and me, at least not ultimately, not importantly--which is part of what makes them interesting.

But dogs. Whereas I know that Pearl keeps tormenting the long-suffering Kosmo because she's got crazy energy to burn, sometimes when she's yanking on his collar, I think, "Now that's just plain mean." And whereas I know that she's likely to spook in an instant, when she tries to bite the well-meaning pet store person who just gave her a treat, I'm mortified and horrified all at once, and I can't help thinking that Pearl just isn't nice. And my heart sinks, but not before it goes hard as a stone. I understand the problem here, I really do, but I can't always talk myself out of my emotions as they rocket around. So Pearl is a dog. There's wildness there. She's not a wolf anymore, but she's not a person, either.